Making Sacrafices vs Facing Reality
Today’s not been a very good money conversation day — seems to be one of those days where one little thing turns to another, another, another until everyone is rattling out all the millions of things that could be wrong. Guess it’s just a little crack of financial stress and it isn’t all the surprising, though I found some of the comments so.
The partner and I were discussing the “sacrifices” that have been made the past two or so years to help us get our house and eventually our financial house in order. Lots of financial progress is on hold as we mostly tread water, which doesn’t make for feelings of comfort and joy at this time of year. Seems that the partner is struggling with how his life has changed and how he can’t just throw a wad of cash in his pocket every weekend and spend it however he wants. Burning a couple hundred dollars on a lark just isn’t in our budget and even a couple hundred dollar for needed items is a hard sell right now. But with this argument, I can’t help pointing out that nothing has changed between now and his previous spending other than he’s now looking at reality and taking responsibility for it.
We started out our relationship, each with pretty sizable debt. Mine was tied to the degree I’m still not using in terms of student loans, his was all in unsecured credit card debt. So all these comments about how he was spending whatever, whenever had to be correlated to the sizable credit card debt that we’re still working down. So, are there sacrifices being made now, or is it just facing reality? Obviously, I’m much more in the facing reality camp, and I’m not looking for support one way or another — just commenting on the very different perception each of us has at the current situation.
I’m sure that this is an uncomfortable situation to be in, watching dimes and knowing that making ends meet takes real work, but to continue mourning a lifestyle that wasn’t financially responsible to begin with doesn’t win bonus points with me. As for the current financial stress, I’ve dealt with money issues my whole life and I can’t help seeing the fact that because we can pay our bills and have more than enough to eat - it isn’t all that much to get upset over. I’ll work on having more sympathy for the partner who doesn’t have the same life experience or outlook.
CJ
January 1st, 2008 09:38
Changing money behavior is a difficult transition to make. Sympathizing with your partner may be hard, but it’s critical for the health of your relationship. I’m more critical of my wife and her mindset toward money than I should be. I find that when I’m more encouraging and sympathetic, we draw closer as a couple. Keep at it…encouragement and hope are key to keeping your partner onboard with your financial gameplan.
Donna Jean
January 7th, 2008 13:41
Thanks for the feedback, I do need to work on the sympathetic aspect and be far less defensive and critical. It certainly is challenging, especially when I feel like I’m having to defend our spending when what I really want is support instead. Hopefully we’ll both work closer to support each other in these matters.
Jane
February 20th, 2008 20:07
I’m having a similar situation and trying to make ends meet while everyone is used to spending and getting what they want is no fun. Hopefully things will get better soon.
Jane