Expecting and Expectations and Emotions
It is finally time for me to get to the children and finances post I referenced last week. I’ve been very focused on expanding my family for a couple years now. In the beginning, it was easy to find reasons to not do it – no job was a big one and second was no partner. Now that I have those two things settled, it is getting harder to push away the choice to have another child.
The partner has given many excuses and they are all financial related. Right now the biggest one is that we need to have a house first. Well, that excuse was just fine when we had a contract on a house (that fell through) but it isn’t cutting it right now. But, despite my opposition to his reasons, I can’t help agreeing that now isn’t the right time.
However, when will it ever be the right time? Is that time ever going to show up or will we always find another excuse to put it off even further.
I can come up with so many reasons to not have a child: just started a new job, we’re in credit card debt, we have no house, we want a house with some land but maybe we’ll never afford it with just one of us working, the daughter is getting older (she is 11) and do I really want to start over, the partner is getting older, do I want a career or a family…
Those reasons can go on and on and the only thing that I have to combat them is that a child is a wonderful addition. The Coin Jar’s post, Pay off the house or have another child? No contest, includes the best advice anyone could give: let your heart be your guide.
TCJ points out that comparing all the financial or professional reasons to having a child is an apples-to-oranges comparison. I agree – a child’s laughter can’t be weighed on the same scale with an annual raise.
TCJ’s advice, let your heart be your guide, applies to those who choose to not have children based on their established reasons. I feel that you must consider the entire emotional spectrum of the decision and not rely solely on a pros/cons list. If, after considering practical and emotional options, you feel that a child is not the right choice, then that is the right choice for you.
With all of my excuses, they aren’t enough to overcome the pressing desire to have another child. No, we won’t start just yet, but I know that I won’t be able to rationalize it away for another full year either. I realize the “right time” will probably never come and that I’m not willing to give up such a beautiful experience waiting for it.
Livingalmostlarge
April 9th, 2007 12:18
I would love to have children. But we just cannot afford it right now. Wait let me qualify that properly.
Right now we are unable to have children in the lifestyle we hope to provide for them. We could have children right now (no idea if we’re fertile though) and just meander through.
But there are a couple of issues we need to settle. One we’re going into debt for an MBA, so ideally we should wait. Two, we just started retirement savings, savings for a car, etc. So we should bulk up. Three we’re getting used to the higher income and padding our need for a second so we’ll be able to comfortably meet all savings goals on one income in about 1-2 years.
I thought just getting a better paying job would solve all our problems. BUT we’re still not able to live large (hence the nickname). But maybe in 1-2 years our situation will improve greatly and we’ll have the lifestyle of not worrying about money and living large. Then a child would be perfect.
So everyone makes excuses, just depends on how reasonable they are.
But personally I am waiting because why stress about money when you have kids? I’d rather wait a couple of years and know that we can provide anything without arguing about it.