The Weight of Money

I’ve fallen behind on setting these – time to get back on track with setting goals.

Remain within the new household budget.

This may sound simple enough, but this is a new budget and a fairly comprehensive for our monthly spending. I’m hoping that it will go well. Next month we’ll have even more money since I’ll have a full month’s worth of pay to work with.

Set up individual contribution to company retirement account.

I decided while still in school that I would contribute at least 10% from every job I have. I’m now in my first job post college and time to put those words to the test. My company will also contribute 5% this year and then 10% every year following. My goal is to increase my personal contribution to at least 15% next year.

Support the partner’s move to contributing to his 401K plan.

The partner has been reading financial books and has a renewed interest in retirement planning. It looks like he is about to take that step and finally start contributing. My new position will save us about $50 a paycheck and he’ll use those funds to start contributing. Originally he was only going to do half that amount per check but after considering the pre-tax benefits, I think he is committed to contributing the full amount.

Limit dining out to no more than $100.

Simple enough, we’ll see if it happens. There is a camping event coming up that will prolly eat through that budget this weekend – I’ll do what I can to avoid it.

Max budget of $200 for upcoming camping/event weekend.

I’ve gone on this trip at least twice a year for the past six years. I should not need to buy anything else! I’m factoring the food into the grocery budget and not planning any additional purchases – other than the tent we just bought.

Establish debt repayment plan and savings investing schedule by Oct. 30.

By the end of next month I should have enough information to properly set up our formal debt repayment plan. This will be a much needed relief since we have two months of minimum payments only – ack. While I know that you should not be building savings while you’re paying off high interest debt, we just can’t let our almost nonexistent savings stand still while we tackle our debt. No really, I know all the reasons against this method, but our personal preference and comfort level demands socking away some savings so that we have some money to buy a house next year. The low monthly payments alone won’t be enough to buy a house and we need to get into a house asap.

Continue reading financial books and sharing them with the partner.

The partner holds a lot of credit in things he reads; more than the things he hears. I often mistrust texts and words and will ready at least 5 books on a subject before deciding what I believe. I will continue bringing home financial books from the library and setting out one for the partner to read when I feel that are inline with my approach to finances. The biggest benefit to this plan is that the more the partner reads, the more time he spends things about finances and considering the impact of all of our financial choices.

The newest bump in our joined finances adventure appears to be an “our” framework retrofitted onto a “your” outlook. Yes, we now have a joint account and our income is being pooled together – but the partner has taken the viewpoint that it is all my money now and no longer his. This has stirred up some frustrations when talking about the household budget, personal spending, and current savings.

Background: I am very budget focused and highly active in watching my finances and making sure that I stay within the lines. I am adamant that we must have a household budget in order to reach our financial goals. The partner thinks that budget is a dirty word and takes a more hands off approach. September was the first month where we joined finances and started using a new budgeting program – one that will meet each of individual preferences for spending but is seen as something I am pushing by the partner and as a compromise by myself.

Problem: Earlier this year, before becoming a legal ‘we’ and formally living together, we each contributed $5,000 toward a home purchase that fell through. $5,000 of that, which I’ve viewed as “mine”, was put into our joint savings account. I’ve been actively asking about the other $5,000 that was still in the partner’s personal accounts and making the partner uncomfortable. The partner didn’t like that I wanted the last of his money. I was getting frustrated that my portion was put into our account while he was keeping his portion. The partner revealed that he sees our joint accounts as mine and that that money was the only thing that was still his.

I/we: Through many conversations over the weekend, we realized that we did not have the same feelings toward our joint finances. Because I have spearheaded the recent move to the implementation of a new budgeting program, the partner sees me as the owner of the household finances. Also, the new accounts that we’ve joined and established are not accounts that the partner is used to using and he feels that he doesn’t have access and that they are really just my accounts with our name on them. I have added to this feeling of separation from the household budgeting by saying “I will put $$ into your personal account” instead of “we can put $$ into your personal account.”

Solutions: So, to help reduce the “I/you” outlook and move to the needed “our”, I will be making a strong effort to watch how I phrase things. Also, the budgeting program is going to be placed on the partner’s desktop instead of my laptop. Additionally, the joint checkbook and bills will remain accessible to both of us and I will make sure the partner knows how to use the budget program to manage bills. Finally, the $5,000 that is in our joint account will go back into my personal account. This returns the piece of mind that I will have some individual savings (I took my savings to $0 for the house and wedding) and will remove my need to see where that $5,000 of his is at. This will drop our joint savings considerably and will basically leave us starting from scratch. However, if we need additional money later, we can both decide what to contribute from our individual funds. I think this is the best approach for the savings situation as it allows us both to retain some ownership of our pre-partnered life.

Conclusion: The heated dialogues we were having this month traced back to feelings or impressions unequal access and ownership of finances. I feel that all couples should have equal understanding and feelings of responsibility for household money. If one person does the larger share of the financial work, it is very important to make sure the other one is informed on how to do the work. Ideally, sharing the financial responsibility equally will help keep both partners informed of current fiscal status and make sure both partners know what is happening and how to manage the finances fully if needed.