The Weight of Money

Wedding Summary: We wanted a nice, relaxed outdoor wedding that shared our style and preferences with our friends and family. We agreed, early on, that we would spend $2,000 on a wedding for 75 people. We invited more than a 100 and we got a little more than 75 in person. We did everything ourselves — the invites, the decorations, the dress, the food (oh my), the shelters, etc.

Wedding Location: I sent “cold-call” letters to several farms in the area to see if they would be willing to host a wedding on their property. All we wanted was a plot of grass and a nice setting, nothing else was required of the land owners. Two people responded and we went with the second couple because they were so sweet and the place was amazing. The wedding was held at a fruit orchard, on the top of a hill, at the highest point in the county. It was beautiful. The owners did provide me a room to dress in their beautiful house and also mowed the grass in the field we used.

Wedding Materials: We borrowed three 20×20 shade structures from friends [photos below] — this saved us over $600 because we didn’t have to rent a tent and have it delivered and setup. We borrowed 12 tables from friends, rented 80 chairs, rented two porta-johns — one had a sink and was a total waste of money (it was my mom’s urging that made me get it). We bought bowls and serving utensils from Costco and bought all the plates, napkins, handi wipes, etc. that were used.

Wedding Decorations: I made table cloths out of butcher paper that the daughter and I decorated with stamps and hand written quotes. We bought 12 glass one-liter carafes for the iced teas and I decorated them with handmade labels and rafita ribbon. We bought a small helium tank and tied balloons to the shelter tie down straps. For favors - we bought mason jelly jars (canning jars) and glued a ribbon around the top and added a star made from polymer clay [photos below].

Wedding toys: We bought kites, frisbees, and other games for the kids to play with. Most went unused. We brought some of our board games and card games - Apples to Apples was very popular. The partner brought his juggling gear and it was used extensively by many people.

Food: This cost a lot more than I expected but it was yummy. Everything was made of fresh produce, except the chicken and pasta, and that meant a lot of veggies. I bought boxes of produce! Almost everything was from local farms and the Dutch farmers market. It was great to see all of the fruit and veggies around the house as we were cooking. We used Costco for the purchase of chicken and just a few other things. We also bought several pies from the local farmers market. However, I must say that if you are going to make all the food for your wedding - you need more than just one or two helpers. It was madness getting it all done — but we pulled it off anyways and got great compliments on it.

Clothing: I made my dress as a work of art. Pieces of fabric were arranged to give a nature scene on the dress and it needed lots of small cuts of fabric [photos below]. The partner bought his outfit at Mens Warehouse and it looked great. The daughter’s dress was made by my mother and looked beautiful.

Invitations; We made several test invitations and I really went overboard on buying stuff for them. This was the first thing we spent money on and was purchased before establishing a budget. We decided to exclude the invitations from the budget calculations, though I will include them now for a total amount and eliminate them upon final examination.

And now, for the money:

$300.00 - Location Rental
$200.00 - PortaJohn Rental
$176.00 - Chair Rental and Pick Up

$275.00 - Officiant Gratuity
$55.00 - Marriage License

$221.37 - Groom’s Attire
$234.20 - Bride’s Attire*

$287.00 - Invitations
$623.22 - Food
$150.00 - Supplies

$39.61 - Decorations
$63.55 - Favors
$73.00 - Pampering
$176.42 - Last Minute Purchases - supplies mostly
-$120.00 - unused items returned

$2754.37 TOTAL

This total exceeds the $2000 budget considerably, until we recognize that we did agree to exclude the invitations and dress from this total.

So, in our agreed upon budget - we spent $2233.17 just 233.17 over budget. Not bad for as beautiful of a wedding as it was.

Now, though I don’t know how “appropriate” it is to mention, we received many gifts of money, and they totaled more than our in-budget spending. I was floored, and a little embarrassed, by the amount given in gifts because I’ve never given money gifts like we have received. So, I suppose that in all, the wedding broke even, even though all of the financial gifts will be going right to savings or toward the house.

If anyone plans to do their own wedding, like we did, I’ve got all sorts of advice. Especially considering the food. I’m happy to share them with anyone willing to listen. And, as a conclusion, I’m so happy that it is all over and that it was a beautiful day.

Photos [added 04/08/07]:

As I mentioned, the shelters were borrowed; someone brought the balloons with them and they were a nice summer touch. The carafes for the iced tea were the sole decoration I really wanted, I’m so glad the partner convinced me to buy them. The little mason jar on the left were the glasses and they also served as the wedding favors. This is the best pictures of my dress that I’ve found so far. My mom also made herself a new outfit for the wedding and it looks fabulous in that picture.

The entire wedding was paid for in cash — nothing purchased on credit — we refuse to start our lives together going further into debt.

June has been an interesting month. My budget numbers are not quite adding up properly because there are expenditures for the wedding without inclusions from the wedding budget allowance. So, it looks like I crossed the line by $500, but that is not the case.

Instead, for the first time in many months, I actually came in under budget by $57.72. I’m very excited about this. So, for the overview:

Dining Out - $194.04: Oh yes, my greatest challenge. However, I’m proud to show that I spent $49.58 less than I did in May and that June, along with January ($193.20), was the lowest amount spent this year on dining out.

Transportation - $125.08: Gas price increases have given me a steady increase in transportation costs. It has been a slow but steady upward rise these past months. With all the running around for the house search, returning unused wedding supplies, and job interviews — I imagine the cost will continue to go up.

Child Support - $388.50: This is most unexpected. I’ve learned over the past seven years or so to never expect child support. Every time I start to rely on it, it vanishes for months at a time. I’ve not included this income in my budget calculations since I don’t expect to get it. I plan to start putting all of it into the daughter’s saving account to allow for investment and college savings for her later in life.

Wedding: I will full address the entire wedding budget in the next post. The figure here is just what I spent this month and is not reflective of the overall expenditures that I will detail next.

Overall, this was a very good month. I’m amazed that I managed to stay in line with all the craziness that was going on. Now, to continue that trend into this month. Although we’re married, we’ve still not mixed finances. Last night, the partner was paying bills and asked me how much he should send to one of the credit cards. I had to say that I couldn’t answer that since I know nothing about his budget. Hopefully that will be remedied soon, but right now we’ve got so much other stuff to deal with and it works out fine for the moment.

I was reading Mapgirl’s post, Update to the Save-O-Meter, and started to comment on the dining out challenge she faces. My comment kept growing and growing so I decided to pull it over here instead.

I also struggle with dining out and it is the biggest budget buster that I have. I’ve posted before about my concern about that budget line item and need to expand on how and why it has gotten out of control.

When I was a full-time student in Wisconsin, living on school money and a part-part-time job, we were really strapped for a food budget. Going to the grocery store always cost too much, or so it felt. Spending $100+ at one time always felt like too much. Instead, we ate out all the time. Finally, I decided it had to stop so I decided to only eat at sit-down restaurants and felt that would curb the spending. It did, sit-down meals killed my cash on hand and made it easier to rationalize a meal at home for veggies and pasta.

During this time, I also developed a strong aversion to eating anything processed and made everything from scratch. This can drive your food bill up if done without planning and can make it easier to justify eating out when you feel you don’t have time to make something. However, with planning and having the right things on hand, it is by far cheaper than eating out and healthier too.

So, I was still eating out and eventually dining at sit-down places was the norm and my dining out frequency increased. Now, it is expected that we will go out to eat somewhere “fancy” and the bill will be a minimum of $25 but more often closer to $40. Then, a year ago, I decided to stop eating at chain restaurants and mostly frequent only independent establishments. Suddenly, the budget increased because we don’t have much to choose from where we live and their prices were often a little higher than the chains. And, then the daughter stopped eating from the children’s menu and started being adventurous — my dining budget doubled instantly.

With the partner, he got me in the habit of making a nice meal when we go out. I used to do what I could to make it as cheap as possible, but he argues that if you’re going to go out you might as well make it worth it. So, I’m a little more inclined to order soda or appetizers than before. So now, our combined monthly dining expenditures can easily top $500 a month — ouch! Our grocery bill, less than $300. Obviously there is a problem.

I’ve been running on excuses for the past six months because life has been busy — school, graduating, wedding, etc. However, it is time to just stop making excuses, start being responsible and get back in the kitchen. Luckily, I’m a very frugal shopper and cook. I make it a point to make meals with the price per person in mind and am a wonderful cook. I also enjoy cooking when I don’t make excuses and love sitting down to a meal that I enjoy.

I’m very committed to the idea of having a sit down meal every day, which I hear most families don’t do these days, and that does put a crimp in the time available in the evening for other things. Once prep, cooking, eating, talking, and clean up is done, the majority of the evening has passed. The partner really wants that time to work on other things, but I haven’t found a way to resolve it. We do try to have leftover a couple times a week to allow for a quick bite, but I still need to work out a way to balance our need for food and time. And, it is time to really get back in the kitchen.

I’m racking my brain to solve our current housing dilemma — not enough income/savings to buy a house and the rental market is too high to be able to save for a house. Another idea I’m tossing around may work or may destroy us — stay in the partner’s one-bedroom apartment for a year.

The daughter and I currently live in the house upstairs and would have to give up our two rooms and compact into a 1000 square foot basement apartment with the partner. It would be a big adjustment to the space that we share now, but not something that hasn’t happened for the daughter and I before. The daughter and I shared one bedroom apartment in Wisconsin and, prior to this place, shared a single bedroom in a single family house where we had to share the rest of the house with 8 other people — we didn’t use the public areas of the house.

This is a big basement apartment but it is currently seriously cramped with the partners things. If we clear everything out, which would be the plan if we were to move somewhere else, then maybe we could configure the space so that it would work for the three of us.

The benefits:
- the daughter would not have to move again — we have moved 9 times in her 10 years and would be moving into temporary housing if we move now just to move again in a year. We’ve been here for 20 months — the longest she has ever lived in one place.
- rent is affordable — $600 a month is the current rent and keeps us well within the partner’s ability to provide for everything while my income can go straight to saving for a house.
- workshop space — the partner will retain the use of the workshop space until we can move to a house where he can move his thousands of pounds of metal.
- good commute - the partner is 7 miles from work.
- good community - we don’t have to worry about the neighborhood, get to remain in a beautiful area for another year where the daughter has many, many friends just down the road.
- good schools - our cheap rental options will put the daughter in lower quality school for a year.
- month to month rental - there is no formal lease agreement or anything and we wouldn’t have to lock in for a year or anything

The drawbacks:
- very cramped living spaces for three people — with two it was alright cause I didn’t need privacy, but with three of us on top of each other, when will we have time for the intimate things (shock, newlyweds who’d like to ensure they’ll still have a sex life).
- continued living near housemates that are driving me nuts — but I won’t be living with them anymore
- big change in living conditions when the daughter won’t have free reign of the house anymore.
- not many places to go to get out of the house — I worry I’ll get really cramped and need to “get out” for a while, but there is not a lot of places to get out to
- serious reduction of hobbies and living space activities if we are really cramped — how to still give us downtime when we are all on top of each other?
- not sure the housemates would go for it.

This is a lot to think about and I’m feeling a bit pressed on alternative options. What do yall think? I’ve really enjoyed and appreciated the advice and comments I’ve been getting on here.

UPDATE: The housemates want us to move out and also move everything out of the workshop as well. So much for this plan.